Chronicle I: All the Women Who Independent, Throw Your Hands Up at Me

When did it become O.K. for women to become the towel that men use to wipe the sweat off of their foreheads after a long, hard night of partying?

Someone asked me to see a movie tonight. A really good looking someone. We met  earlier this summer, and I usually decline his late night requests to hangout. But I think he may have realized that I’m not a booty call kind of girl, hence why he asked me to see a movie tonight. But that was was over two hours ago, and at the time, he said he would call me “a little later.” What if he doesn’t call?

I hate being that girl. The one that sits by her phone and waits for it to ring. You know who she is. And when the phone finally rings at 3 in the morning, she answers in an instant and runs out to “spend time with him” because, after all, he did call, right? Wrong. I’m not that girl, I never have been.

For my entire life, people, especially guys, always tell me one thing, and then do something else. So I’ve (subconsciously) trained myself to lower my expectations and never fully believe anything people (guys) say. I know that’s not exactly healthy, to expect the worst, but it’s my way of protecting myself. Anyway, I actually like the way I look tonight. I feel pretty, and I don’t say that very often. My wavy blonde hair is daintily falling against my bare, sun kissed shoulders, I have doe eyes that they are especially yellow tonight, and my cheeks are pink and dewy. Plus, my size fours are becoming a little looser. That’s my cherry on top.

A part of me wants to ask him if we are still going, but I don’t want to come across as desperate. However, I don’t want to sit around and wait for his call. Like I said, I’m not that girl. What should I do? Why did he even have to ask me in the first place? If he wouldn’t have asked me, this all would have been avoided. Whenever I am content with being single, guys fall to my feet like sick puppies. This summer for instance, I had a plan. My plan was to enjoy my alone time. I was going to write everyday, paint everyday, workout everyday. . .get to know myself. And I was excited about that, I wasn’t looking for summer love or anything of the sort. But this ended up being the summer where there was a plethora of guys. Not one, not two, but a plethora. I know why, of course, because it is when we are not looking for something that we find it. The whole concept just baffles me, though.

I texted him and asked if we’re still going. I don’t wait around, so I rather know than not know, ya know? Too many knows, I know. His response to me was that he was having people over instead and he invited me to come. I declined. He told me one thing and then did something else. What’s new, eh? Of course, I got the “oh you don’t want to see me” and the “don’t be like this.” But as much as I did want to see him, I was a bit bothered, to be completely honest. Plus, I knew that my reason for wanting to see him was one of aching lust. He asked to see me tomorrow, and I told him if he asked at a decent hour then he could see me . He “promised” me he would. I’m not holding him to it, however. I have no problem letting guys know what I want. Granted, it took me a while to become confident enough to do so, but now that I have, it’s like second nature to me. It’s not that I’m demanding, but like I said earlier, I’m not a booty call, and I deserve to be treated properly. As insecure as I am regarding my tics and my legs, I still have self worth. Thank God for that.

 So, I sit here now feeling rather pleased with myself because I know that I am not a sweaty towel, I am a woman: hear me roar.

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This entry was posted in Faith, Life, Relationships, Summer, Women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Chronicle I: All the Women Who Independent, Throw Your Hands Up at Me

  1. Mizz says:

    I know how annoying it is to be in that situation.

    But i think we female, we over analyze everything. And most of the time, its all just in our head. I am glad you texted that guy. I don’t think its desperate, its you doing what you want to do.

    But talking from my own experience, a guy, if they really really into you, they will do whatever it takes to be with you.

    So this guy, in my opinion based on this story, is just not that into you. You deserve better 🙂

  2. Agreed, thanks for reading 🙂

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